gotta start living my life

I've realized I haven't been treating myself fairly. I have stopped loving my life, taking all my chances to every thing that comes to me, and I limit what I can do, and what I used to do. It sucks that I know I`ve been doing that to my life... that I've been putting walls on it because of this "thing". And now I have a very little time left to change it... I am not so sure anymore if I can be that person that once they knew. :(

They say... they miss the old me... the one who is very jolly. They noticed that I put limits on everything that I do which sucks cuz it's so not me. :((

Huhu... I wanna change. I wanna be back to the old me. I don't want to stay in this kind of life... because it makes me sad. :( -- and yes, I miss being crazy, jolly, who don't care what other people think and just go.. GO out there and be who I am.

Sigh... I believe I shouldn't... nah... I must stop hoping and believing that things I want would work because I can't always WANT things. I should be fair to myself and start living my own life and enjoy it.

:):)

I shall start today. :) hehe New life. New life. :)

Daddy, help me please?

- - - -

Ohh.. I miss reanne... reanne.. hows you? I miss talking to you... telling you every bits of my problems. Good luck in A-levels. :) You should email me or something when you finish or when you get time... :) I miss you to bits. :)

Shadow

I've decided a few minutes ago that... I will start a newer life starting from next week.

I've been hurting for weeks now and it's not healthy staying around my circle of friends because sometimes it makes it worse. There's just too much going on and I can't handle it by myself from getting hurt.

I've been living my life like a shadow for some weeks and it's hard. Mica once told Annie (and i was there) that I've been hiding so many things from her. Well yeah, that's true but it's not only her that I'm keeping secrets from but to everyone. I'm tired telling everyone what I feel when I don't hear and see any support or advice from the people I thought care about what their friends feel... *sigh*

But I'm really glad I've got Mon and Annie to be there for me. They are the two people I know (in college) who I can open things deeply and won't keep quiet when I say something that I can't deal with.

So yeah.. by that..

I thought about coming back regularly to SPO during breaks and after school since I am lacking a lot of hours in my residency as a member of the publications, I've got to gain it back again. And plus, hanging out with my friends is fun but I think taking a time off from them can help me get through my problems. :) I need new things around me. New people I don't know get to talk much to, new environment, new happiness. NEW. NEW. NEW.

I hope this will work.:)

Oh and one more thing. I will try to update as often as I can because I noticed that I remember things easily when I write about it. :) hehe

i love my friends. :)

Mimi: BWUAHAHAHA :)) BIG FISH COMING THROUGH!!
Vivek: AHAHAHA!! YOU LOOK LIKE THE FATHER OF ALL SHARKS!
Antonio: haha...


Mimi: hahaha vivek looks like he's doing something...... not appropriate. :))
hahaha kidding
Antonio: HAHAHAHA!!!


More pictures on my multiply.

April Fools ba Ngeon?

* Bryan didn't go DUBAI!!!! Hahahaha I think it was a joke. Good thing none from FMA7 didn't know about my blogspot and I didn't tell anyone about him LEFT Philippines for DUBAI not until this morning to MJ!

When we got to GenPsych, MJ kalabit me and said Bryan was there! Haha I was surprise even if yess I could see him there!! Haha That Bryan! Hahaha Oh well atleast he's with us. :)

As for me. Yeah I hope I won't leave. Atleast let me finish college! or atleast this frosh year. :(
And for sure even if I move anywhere else I'll always be proud to be Benildean. :) Naks! Haha

Anyways short post lang. ;) Hehe

Gypsy Girl

Why Gypsy?

Well because... there's a chance that we might move again to the other side of the world and I meant Canada.

It's just so sad that in my whole life I haven't really stayed in one place. When I was younger we lived in China, then Philippines and then after a few years we moved to Hong Kong and then after 8 years we moved back to the Philippines and now, maybe September or October we will move to Canada.

Haissh. There's a possibility that I will again repeat high school. Man, I feel really old! Ngeon pa lang eh! Most of my classmates are 16!! Haii. :(

Anyways.. I'll update more about the Canada thing when it's almost final.. or it is final.

- - -

BTW, KevJumba & HappySlip makes me laugh. Haha Okay I may be one of the last people to know em but then who cares. LOL Actually I knew em and I've been subscribed with em on my youtube account but I never really watched their videos.. but since yesterday night I've been hooked up with their videos. Haha So funny. :)

the little things

Happy Birthday May-ers!

Belated Happy Birthday to Aanchal! (May 3rd)
Wooosh I forgot to greet her.

cute yeh? i know. :)

New layout! Not made by me though but I credit lyricaltragedy for the layout. I edited some places though so that it will look a bit balanced.

Anyhoo hows everyone? I'm back here at Antipolo. Yay! Atlast, after so long at Marikina I kinda missed my real home. Haha. Oh yesterday, we went church first and then to Sta. Lucia to play bowling. I saw Hanika! I haven't seen her for like I think when I got my report card which was first week of April? Fun fun!:) Hehe Yeah so we played bowling.. it was fun. haha After that we ate at Red Ribbon and bought Chicharon so we will munch at my lola's place while watching tv. Yes, I had my tummy blowned up again. Haha You know even if I'm wearing braces I still eat a lot. Haha They said papayat daw pag may brace bakit ganun even if I have it I still eat a lot? Haha! Pasaway talaga!:P

- - -

Trumpets. So far it's okay... I'm having fun.. sort of. Last thursday, Sam was absent. We all thought Ate Len will be the one who's absent because she said twas her only vacation but then it turned out that Sam took the time off without telling us! Well wherever you are Sam, you missed a lot! We had new steps and new formation. Man it's confusing. I have something to admit, mataas ang pride ko kaya I always feel like I always need to be good, I need to be graceful and dance like Maja Salvador but I can't. I know I need to practice more but then it frustrates me a lot whenever I see myself dance OKAY (only). I look at myself at the mirror everyday dancing our steps but it seems like I can't improve it. Gah! I don't know when I started being like this. :( It's so hard to always remind yourself to be the best because it's so tiring when you don't see the result/or see it so slow.

Haii. I hope I'll get through this. I don't want to feel that way anymore because it bothers me a lot instead of trying to improve myself more. - I guess it's really hard when you idolize stars that are really good and be in the same level when you are just a starter. XP

- - -

Mom is coming back tomorrow afternoon! Yay! I'm excited. I think I'll come with my Tito when he picks my mom up at the airport so that if ever they can just drop me off at Podium. Or maybe not. Haha I'd like to see my Macbook before I go Trumpets. Haha Adik. :D

Oh yeah speaking of Trumpets, they will have some kind of Trumpets Fair on May14 and I don't know yet if I'm going. LeaLuLu said she'll come. Haha I'm thinking who to bring pa... pero before I invite I have to ask pa if outsiders can come. I don't know kasi eh. I hope Ate Len can come kasi parang pupunta ata si JP eh. I'll ask them tomorrow. :)

Our Showcase/Recital will be at I think the end of May. The last time they announced it they said May29th but I'll confirm. Anyhoo anyone wants to watch ME dance (haha) you can go Trumpets PlayShop at the Podium 5th floor and then buy tickets there. Php150 for one ticket. Come and Join us!:)

- - -

Huhu Reason Conference! I wanna go!
But then it's all the way to HONGKONG! :((
I remember going here last year and it was fun!
REASONLive - listen to them

so excited

Hey y'all! How you guys been doin?
I've been staying at my Lola's place that's why I don't blog that much and plus I have nothing new to blog about.

Last friday, it was my Tita's 35th birthday and we went 9 Waves Resort to celebrate her birthday. It was fun! We tried their new long slide and I don't know but it really doesn't work for me! haha My tita, sister and tito tried it and they could slide all the way but for me? I couldn't! I had to use my hands and feet to make me slide! Haha Had fun! I had an eye for this guy that night! haha Lol! See wherever I go there must be a guy I kinda like! hahaha

Whaaat? Yes, I admit I'm a boy crazy so what?? haha at least i'm honest!

pictures here.
- - -

On monday, charlene, itchan and I went somewhere at Antipolo to do some OutReach Program with homeless children, kids without parents, and kids that were left by their parents for some reason. I had fun playing with the kids and spending my short time with them. It is very sad to see them living in those kind of situation.. you know without parents.. having not much to eat. I really feel blessed that I have both of my parents to take care of me and give me shelter and food that I need. But really, I really feel those children. :( Imagine there were about 10 babies and they had no parents to be there for them? Really sad. :(

pictures here.

- - -

I had some thinking.. well I was recalling the time when Reanne told me that she and her father think I am what you call half catholic & half christian. I don't want to change my religion (as catholic) but then sometimes I miss the way how I can really put myself into whenever I go to the River (reanne's youth). It's like I really feel Daddy's presence whenever I attend River. But I don't want to be bad in a way that my path is leading me to become a Christian because I grew up and was born to be a Catholic but now I don't know. I know in the end that the decision is mine whether or not to remain a catholic or be a christian but I'm scared to take some chances cuz I will be different from my family. :( Haii. I guess I'll just leave this first and think about it when it's the time. I'm still too young to make decisions.

Wala lang I just wanted to share.

- - -

oh btw I will be getting these soon!

Macbook Pro

CintiQ

Wee so excitedd!!!

RIP Gig Robles.

taken by Gig Robles

Student who fell to death remembered- so so heartbreaking. :(

At first I didn't care about this news going around about this guy (Gig Robles) from La Salle who fell from the balcony of the hotel. But when Mika told me he was her batch mate from Zobel, I can't help but to read things about him. (This is Peter Pan) He even has his own multiply! Apparently, his shots pretty are good too!

According to Jamina and other people' comments, he doesn't sound like someone who will commit suicide. Imagine he was a male-cheerleader, trouble maker, student council, YFC leader and everybody's teddy bear... It's just how can God take him away rather than those bad people who don't do anything but kill innocent people? I never felt this way ever in my life (cept my lolo's), I never felt so hurt even if I don't know who Gig Robles is but still! The thought of him having a pure heart (he's a YFC leader!) - - I just wanna hail on him.

I felt really weird earlier when i was looking through his multiply pictures. This album caught my eyes: I didn't think, I just shot && as you can see, that's where I got his photo. When I was looking through those pictures in the album, I felt this feeling... I felt him. I don't know! It's really weird but I really feel so bad about what happen.

His last video, taken an hour before he fell. =((
Gig at Jollibee Sunday March 9 2008 202am.

Gig: I know you and I are strangers to each other but I want you to know that where ever you are your classmates, batch mates, friends, teachers, family, and even me will be here always for you. I look up to you for being the one who always stood out from everyone, for being a good example to your classmates/friends. I know your friends will never forget you and for what you have done to them.:)

God bless you and I`m sure you will be on His good hands. :)

- - -

mimi: what amazed me more is he is a yfc leader.. and u know.. the things he did.. parang bakit diba? bakit sya? its soo sad.
ana: coz God is trying to tell us something
tito roy: (yfc coordinator from HK, i am a member of yfc too) no one really expects the time and place where our Lord will call us di ba? smiles

This is a life lesson learned. Treasure every moment that you have in this world and appreciate every single thing you receive from the heaven above. Let's all learn and be like Gigs.:)

RIP GIG ROBLES ♥
Died: March 9 2008
lets pray for him & his soul.

Bad Bad Bad

Yesterday was scary! I never knew i would encounter anything like that at this age!

Okay this is not a big thing but then when marienne, tony, luna and I were going home na, we saw some 2nd yr sa mtr and we said our hi then we saw this familiar face and it was our old classmate, david.

He first saw reanne and said his hi and went on and on about how they haven't seen eachother for a really long time. When i called him the 2nd yrs told us he's drunk. - i get scared when i know a person is drunk kasi i don't know what they can do. so when we found out that he's drunk.. me and luna froze and started to move cuz we got kinda scared. But then he walked over to marienne and shook hands. I even remember him telling us that he's just about 97% DRUNK! Hell yeah! 97% ONLY? AND WHAT 3% WHAT?

Geez! man! This is what alcohol/drugs do to you. I seriously thank god that I didn't get to a school like other school out there that have some students who can't control themselves like that. Even if it's friday and there's no school the next day, hell yeah it's still not good drinking so much like that. Tsk tsk.

I also thank god that I conviced my brother to not study to the school where david studies because I heard it's not a good school interms of socialing with other people. Sobrang ma i-influence ka in a bad way. Not unless you choose the right friends but I doubt it.

Kaya to all! Advice ko lang, please don't go over your limits. Don't even get influenced by your friends because what they do is NO FUN & COOL!!

Treasure life properly. Treasure your life the best way you could!

FREE

This will probably my 4th entry today.. i`m sorry can't help it.. I love blogger! Hehe I don't get any hesitation from blogging and blogging til i get satisfied and go to sleep. LOL. I think it's because of "NO COMMENT" area because it makes you wanna just save all the stories for next entry cuz there's always a "COMMENT" linkie somewhere on the new entry and makes you wanna just wait til later. That's why i didn't put any "COMMENT" linkos cuz Taggy is better i guess. =D

- - -

I told my mom about the book i borrowed from marienne, it's called "So You Want To Be A Teenager?" and it's about what every preteen must know about friends, love, sex, dating and other life issues. It's a really good book for all teenagers; it helps you to think more and teaching you what you can do and what you can't.

What clashed me the most is the topic "Dating". See, i`m a teenager (and so are you) and some people who are in the same age as i am are in a relationship right now, who already had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends, who did things that aren't suppose to be done, who crossed over the limits and etc. But do we really think we're that mature enough to handle things? I don't think so.

There was one question in the book and it was, "What is your definition of dating?" and my answer to myself was.. "dating means two people getting to know eachother well" and I was right. - hehe. Some other people think that the meaning of "DATING" means something like they're ON already but actually it's not. It's all about hanging out with the opposite sex, knowing eachother a little bit more and stuff.

Like what i said earlier, at this time of the teen-life.. almost all teens think that they are "MATURE" enough to handle things so they do things that aren't suppose to be done unless you are really mature. So sometimes they ended up regreting things and hoped that they didn't do this or that.

. . .

I told my mom what I feel, because from what i've notice to myself is that I don't have crushes not like before.. i used to get loads of em in a year or even fall inlove with them and stuff. I told her that I promised to myself not to get attach with the opposite sex about 2-3months ago because once i fall hard on a guy and i'll have strong feelings on him.. well might not control it. I'm afraid of being heartbroken again. I don't think I can handle to love someone and in the end we break up and then what? BROKEN HEARTED AGAIN?

Plus, when you're in a relationship it's like doors are close for you and also for your partner. You don't really get to have the space to breath when you are in a relationship. Mahirap na.

I told her that from the book that I've read that it made me really believe that it's better to wait `til i'm OLD enough to go in a relationship so I can handle things in life. Even if it might feel the same way, atleast i`m in the right age my parents won't worry to much about me.

Anyways.. this is just what I think for me and I just want to share my thoughts. I'm not talking about anybody in particular but then you know.. just think about it again. Are you MATURE enough to handle things? =)

If you disagree with me.. it's ok. I`m not saying to follow what I did, or think like me because i don't make your decisions and control your thinking. Don't also take it in the wrong way.=)

i`m single yet i`m happy.:) i`m gonna enjoy life being single. hehe